Tools, tips and education to help you live the life you choose

Son and Daughter went for a sleepover at a friends house at the weekend.  They have a son and daughter who are within a few weeks of being the same age as our two and the four of them get on well.  I went over to pick them up and as we were leaving one of them, I can’t remember which one now, picks up a snail and wants to take it home as a pet.

Last week they had wanted a frog which I found out you need a licence to keep some frogs so I was able to avoid that one, I don’t think it is the same situation for snails!  Anyway I managed to persuade them that they should leave the snail as we had plenty at home.  It had been raining and I had seen heaps when I got up in the morning.

When we got home I was talking to Him about something while the kids got reacquainted with the toys and Wii.  I heard Daughter outside singing as she moved around.  I didn’t really think about what she was doing until she appeared in the hallway with a bucket heading towards her room.  Now I have learnt from past experience that Daughter heading towards her room with buckets or other containers is worth investigating.  I call to her and she comes in and announces that she has found some snails.  I look in the bucket.  I have never seen so many snails in one place.

Son arrives at this point and is equally impressed.  ‘Why don’t they fall off?’ he asks as he picks one out and lets it crawl along his hand which he then turns upside down to check its grip.  At this point we put the foot down and ban the snails from the house apart from two which are allowed to stay in a cage thing in the laundry.  A short time later I find that Daughter has transferred the outside snails to a box with some food in it.

Daughter’s motives were kind hearted in that she just wanted to look after the snails and keep them happy.  She has a real nurturing side and likes to look after things.  In this case she couldn’t quite understand at first how she was actually smothering the snails, that her actions were not helping them by confining them.  This can be similar to our own relationships and getting the balance between smothering someone and letting them go enough so that they can continue to grow and still feel loved and cared for.  It can be a tough balance to find and it is something that is worth checking in with those you have relationships with to see how they feel – have you got the balance right?

As for the snails well later in the day I persuaded Daughter that she should really let the outside snails go.  While snails are not necessarily my favourite creature, allowing a slow mass death of them in Daughter’s box did not fit with my ideals.  She started to tip them out right at the bottom of the ramp off the verandah.  I suggested moving away from the walkway so they had more chance of survival.  This she agreed to as she stepped back and crushed one.

I thought that was the end of the saga until 5 minutes later when she appeared inside with a plea to keep Lucky.  ‘Who is Lucky?’ I ask as I turn around.  ‘The snail I stepped on.  She doesn’t have her shell anymore but she is still OK’!

We took the children down to the beach for a night this weekend.  They really love the beach and enjoy seeing how much sand they can cover themselves in.  Being late in the season the water was only what I would call ‘kid temperature’ as in I wasn’t getting anywhere near it but the children enjoyed a bit of a paddling – followed by a roll in the sand.

When we first got down there we went for a quick stroll round the local market and came across a second hand book stall.  I picked up a few books and was about to pay for them when Daughter got hold of a cute little book and asked what it was about.  It was called ‘the little book of Love’ and it instantly became a favourite.  The lady on the stall gave it to her.

Now the funniest thing is Daughter can’t quite read yet, she is getting her first few words, not enough to read the quotes in the book.  This didn’t deter her, she wandered around with the book open in her hands pretending to read and tell us all about what love is – according to a five year old.  She did this at several points over the weekend and it was interesting to hear some of her thoughts: Love is when you love each other, when you love someone you give them a flower and so on.

I got hold of the book at one point and read some of the quotes and I must say many didn’t follow her train of thought.  A lot talked about love not being a totally positive thing like ‘Love is like the measles, we all have to go through it’ (Jerome K. Jerome).   This certainly didn’t inspire me, it did get me thinking about love and what it means to different people.

For me love is something that is all around us, not just the love I share with Him, it is love of myself, love of the children, love of life.  If your life is filled with love then it certainly more enjoyable.  One of the quotes that I liked was from Oscar Wilde and goes like this:

‘Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.  The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring’

I was touched later in the day when we were down at the beach and I had buried Daughter up to her neck in sand.  I wrote her name over her chest and then suggested I draw a heart over her tummy.  She immediately said ‘and write ‘her Mum’ under that ’cause I love you’.

So what is stopping you from having more love in your life, as the Irish proverb says ‘it is best to cultivate a heart of love that knows no anger.’  For the next couple of weeks spend a few minutes every day thinking about love and feeling the feeling, think about all the things and people you love – including yourself.

I was just looking at the statistics for divorce and although it varies around the world, for the UK, US and Australia it is approaching 50 percent for first marriages. It appears that these statistics are worse for second and third marriages so it doesn't look like we necessarily learn as we go along.

What this means is that there are many people out there still looking for the right person so I thought we take some tips from our book "Happily Ever After" on finding the right person and keeping them.

Lets look at the four tips they have for finding the right person. (more…)