Tools, tips and education to help you live the life you choose

I spent some time today with a friend in Adelaide.  She owns a couple of what I would call a flash boutique shops.  Now I should explain that for me clothes shopping is not a favourite activity and most of my clothes do not cost in the triple figures, that is over $100.  Looking round my friends shop while she served customers I didn’t see anything in my price range, it was all triple figure stuff and some lovely items.

I looked at the clothes to see what made them worth so much more and as I say there were some clothes that you certainly wouldn’t see in K Mart or Target.  They were well made out of some gorgeous materials.  As I spent time there listening and watching I realised that this was only part of the story of where the value lies.

Relationships and the little things are what makes the difference.  Go to K Mart or Target and it is all self service and neither of these things.  Go to some of the other boutique chains and you will start to get some assistance, depending on the shop.  You may get help in choosing the clothes and advice on what goes with what etc.

Now in my friends shop she has taken it one step further.  Most of the customers that come in are repeat business.  She often knows their size and preference in clothes.  She rings them when certain clothes come in to let them know.  She knows her stock and knows what is coming in so she can advise them to come back in a few weeks if they are looking for something particular.  She understands which customers need the time to browse, which ones need constant attention and so on.  Being a customer in her shop is a whole experience, you are looked after and valued.  It is no wonder that so many of them have been shopping there for years and keep coming back.

I think every one of us can learn from this.  We all provide service in some way at some time, whether it is part of our work or part of our family life.  You can cook a quick meal and slap it down on the table in front of the rest of the family or you could put some effort into the meal, remembering who likes what etc.  You could then serve it with a smile.  It is only a little thing, again it is building your relationships. 

In business this is essential to try and build up your repeat customers.  It is Napolean Hill’s ninth Law of Success – The Habit Of Doing More Than Paid For.  So think about your life and whether you are doing the little things to build the relationships that are important to you.

Have you heard of BSO’s?  I am willing to bet that you have been distracted by them at some point in the past.  For me, being on the mailing lists of several Internet Marketers, not to mention the spam, there are dozens of potential ones each week.

OK, I’ll explain to those who don’t know what it stands for – Bright Shiny Objects.  Our attraction to them probably starts as a baby.  How easy is it to distract a baby or toddler from something they are doing if you have something that is literally bright and shiny?  They will immediately stop what they are doing and investigate the object you have.

As we get older we have the same habit, only the objects do not need to be literally bright and shiny.  Going back to the Internet Marketers or the spam emails I get stacks promising some bit of software or method that will make me money.  This is out of an email I received this morning:

Now I am not saying that the products that these words were advertising were not good products, the big questions is whether you really need them to get to where you want to go or are they a distraction.

 How many of you have downloaded an eBook and then never got round to reading it?  I am not sure of the statistics, I just know that is you answered yes to that question then you are not alone.  We were tidying out one of the kitchen gadget drawers tonight and I was reminded of BSO’s as we found several items that we had purchased at Shows.  You know the type of thing where they have someone demonstrating some wonderful gadget that you just can’t live without.  When you get it home you find that either it just never seems to work as well as it did for the demonstrator or that you do not actually really use it all that much.

 So my task for you this week is that if you know what your goals are or what you want out of life then check out how many BSO’s attract you this week and if you get as far as spending money or time on them.  The worst offenders of Bright Shiny Object Syndrome will never get anywhere as they are constantly going from one BSO to the next.

It was off to the snow for a day at the weekend.  I try to take the kids up once a year.  We generally find some snow and a slope near the road and spend a few hours having fun.  This year we had bought some snow sliders as they are called, basically a board with handles that they could sit on.  This is one step up from previous years when I have taken the boogey boards.  It is getting to the stage now where I am not guaranteed a go as for the first time this year Daughter took to going down by herself for part of the time.

On the way home I asked them what their favourite part of the trip was.  Daughter announced that it was eating snow!  We had been explaining on the way up that snow was like frozen water and you could eat it - so she did!  For Son it was throwing snowballs at Mum.  He was quite good at it too, there is nothing like getting a few bits of snow down your neck to remind you that you are alive.

We were discussing snowball fights yesterdays and how it is one of the few times in life that you can throw things at people without hurting them.  It is great fun and a great release of all sorts of energy as you run around throwing snow and getting hit.

In some ways it reminded me of anger work, except that this involved the release of different emotions.  Here we were having fun and releasing our stresses from the week.  In anger work you are releasing your anger.

In our society we are often taught to suppress anger or are unable to express it at the time or in the way we want to.  It is like having a bottle and each time you suppress your anger it goes into the bottle and you keep adding to it if it is not expressed.  Gradually it fills up to the top at which point you explode.  Have you ever noticed that you may seem to have a handle on things and be relatively calm and then suddenly something really small will set you off.  Or you may have found this with someone else, you make a small mistake and they go right off.  Basically their bottle has got to the top.

If you find this is familiar to you then doing anger work in some form will work for you.  This involves giving yourself some outlet for the anger before it gets to busting point.  For some a punching a bag works, for others it can be hitting cushions.  One of my favourites is what one of my fellow coaches does, she screams out loud while she is going along in the car.  For more guidance with this I would suggest working with a coach or someone who has experience in it.

His Mum continued her remarkable recovery going from strength to strength and was back in her own home by Tuesday, less than a week after being in hospital and intubated.

Now, when we visited her and at times in hospital when He was able to talk to her she agreed that it would be a good idea to seek accommodation in the local aged care facility.  When we were there visiting she talked about it and some of the advantages it would offer her, meals provided, her room cleaned and so on.  He insisted that once she was home she followed up with them to see what was available.

He got a phone call on Saturday to let him know that they had a one bedroom unit near the facility where she could live.  They could provide her meals and some assistance there although she wasn’t actually living in the facility and she could keep her dog.

Sounded ideal, however the conversation did not go along those lines.  She was not too excited by the idea and grumbled about various things.  In the end I think she will go.

Have you ever done the same sort of thing?  You talk about doing something, even organise it and then get cold feet.  It can be easy to distance yourself from things and not get involved emotionally until you suddenly realise that you are about to jump.  In His Mum’s case she can see the logic and the fact that she needs more care.  I reckon she has suddenly realised what it means to her to move from the house she has lived in for years and the emotions that brings up.  She is an animal lover and has had many pets over the years most of whom are buried in the garden.  Plus she may be feeling something about the fact that she will be more dependent.

As I say it is the same for many of us, you can sit down and plan out a logical path for some change in your life.  It could be something simple like going to the gym so you need to organise appropriate clothing, decide which gym and organise membership.  You might find it easy to organise the clothing and then find some resistance to picking up the phone to talk to different gyms.  Or you could have no problem doing these things it’s just when it comes to actually going to the gym that you find all sorts of excuses that stop you.

What is happening here?  As I said with His Mum it is going from head to heart.  The head can see the logic and it is all good until you get to a certain point, your jump point.  At this point the emotions, your heart, gets involved and logic can go out the window.

So what can you do?  That depends on how bad it is, sometimes you can get the head to rule again for long enough to get you to pick up the phone or do whatever it is to get you over that last hurdle.  You need to acknowledge your emotions and sit with them for a moment without judging them.  This may be enough to help you deal with them and move forward.  If you still find resistance that is stopping you then try things like breaking the task down, giving yourself a reward for doing it, talking to someone about it and enlisting their support.  There are also many blockage busting techniques that can help you with these sort of barriers that a good coach could help you with.  Whatever you find that works for you, understanding what is happening as you approach and finish line and that last hurdle will help.