Tools, tips and education to help you live the life you choose

In my experience it seems that most kids seem to go through a phase of asking the ‘why’ questions when they are a few years old.  Every second time they open their mouth it is ‘why is this ….’.  Son is one of those kids where this hasn’t been a phase for him, it seems to be more a way of life, there is hardly a day goes by when at least one ‘why’ question isn’t asked.

What always gets me is the way their train of thought can flit from one subject to another.  At the weekend, at the end of dinner, I was cleaning up (He had cooked so it was my turn to clean up) while He, Son and Daughter were at the table talking.  All of a sudden Daughter pops the question ‘how do you make babies?’  He pauses for a moment then quickly handballs it to me – what a cop out!  I mumble something about a bit from a Mummy and a bit from a Daddy and that seems to satisfy a five year old’s curiousity.  Luckily Son doesn’t seem interested in the subject and wants to ask a question about something else so we get away with a simple answer.

As you grow up and go through life you can often stop asking questions and accept things as they are.  If you have lived in your home for a while take a look round, is everything in the most logical or effective place, does everything work well.  Chances are if you think about it you can find something that was put somewhere because it seemed like a good idea at the time, if you really stop and question it then you may find that it would work better moved to somewhere else.

Similarly in your thoughts and what you are doing in life, when was the last time you stopped and thought why am I doing the work I am doing, do I want to keep doing it for the rest of my working life or other similar questions?  We can easily get into patterns in our life and forget to take the time every now and again to question where we are in life and where we want to go.  So my challenge for you is to sit down and ask yourself some questions, it could be big life changing type questions or it could be little ones like why do I eat a certain thing for lunch?  Have fun and see what you come up with.  Don’t forget to keep doing it as you go through life.

This may seem like a strange question to some, however it is inspired by a couple of conversations with coaching clients this week.  Much is written about how to set your goals, I wrote a post some time ago about that subject, click here to check it out.

The question I was asked this week was how do I know what my goals are, how do I find my goals?  Another client was talking about feeling stuck and when we talked more it became clear that her goals or what she wanted weren’t clear.

It is a good point and got me thinking.  When you think about setting your goals you can get the impression that everyone knows what they want and then just has  to write it down.  For many people they haven’t actually got to that point, they haven’t go a clear picture of what they want.

I was contemplating this earlier this morning as I was walking Dog.  It was a cool, very foggy morning and pre-dawn so a little on the dark side.  As we meandered through the bush it gradually became lighter and easier to see the ghostly shapes of the trees and bird song pierced the pre dawn silence.  I realised that the morning heard some similarity to sorting out your goals.  It all starts with a thought, a single idea that you then latch on to.  As you focus on the thought you gradually start to see your path to achieve that thought, the fog clears.

So getting down to straight talk, instead of foggy mornings, you need to let your mind wander and think what you want in life, you could focus on different areas of your life – health, finances or spiritual.  Alternatively think about what your ideal life or day would be, what time would you get up, where would you be living, would you go out to work, do something from home and so on.

As you let your mind go over these sort of things you can start to come up with ideas, it could be to live in the country, grow fresh vegetables, start a new career.  Try not to immediately dismiss them as too hard or expensive or whatever other excuses may come to mind.  Work out what you can connect to as something you want to work towards.  When I say connect to I mean something that feels right to you, not just something that makes sense logically.

Think back to some of the changes in your life like moving house, having kids, changing jobs or careers.  These could have meant a major change in your life.  How did you start on the change?  Something triggered a thought in your mind, it could have been seeing a baby, hearing about a job being offered, it suddenly made you think that was something you wanted and off you went to achieve that, whether you realised it or not it became a goal for you.

So if you are having difficulty sorting out what your goals are, check your thoughts.

I came home late the other night and went in to say goodnight to Son and Daughter.  They were fast asleep so I was just going to tell them I loved them and give them a gentle kiss.  This worked fine with Son, he didn’t move.  Unfortunately with daughter she suddenly sat bolt upright and I was kicking myself thinking that I’d done it now, I’d be spending the next half hour getting her back to sleep.  I was wrong, she gave me a quick cuddle and lay down again.  As she put her head down on the pillow she asked this question “Is it true that when you grow up, you get old?”  I muttered some reply and left the room.

As I wandered back through the house I thought about this question and how profound it was.  On the surface there is the physical side that as you grow up your body gets older.  Then I began to think of the mental side and all the sayings like young at heart, spring chicken and so on.  When you think about it these tend to infer that keeping a youthful mental attitude keeps you young.

Building on this the next day I did a half day course called The Art Of Fun.  This involved being in groups and doing various fun activities, some competitively and others just for fun.  It was really interesting to feel the energy as everyone enjoyed some different activities and laughter.  It brought home the difference it can make if you are doing something you enjoy and are taking time out to have a laugh.

I thought back to daughters question and how often growing up is not only associated with the physical side of thing but also with the mental.  It is a case of growing up and taking responsibility, being serious, having a career, a partner and a family.  There is pressure to conform and have or do many of these things and they can lead to stress, health issues and so on.  When adults act with frivolity or seem to be coasting through life without real purpose they are often told to grow up and sort their life out.

It is interesting when we look at people who are older in years and see them displaying youthful qualities or a sense of fun that we pass comments such as young at heart.  It is often such people who can be in good health and live a long and happy life.

I think Daughter could be onto something with her question, when we do grow up in our attitude to life we can grow old.  Without balance we can lose that youthful joy in the simple pleasures in life and become stressed by everyday pressures.  Take a moment to stop and think about how old you are and how old you feel – old beyond your years or do you still have that youthful glint about you?  Take time this week to do some fun stuff, something that isn’t ‘grown up’ .