Tools, tips and education to help you live the life you choose

Have you ever thought how useful it would be to have an instruction manual for your mind?  I mean we have them for just about every physical thing you buy even if sometimes they are in Chinglish and difficult (or entertaining) to read.

Our mind is a very complex thing that most of us don’t understand.  We talk about ‘knowing our own mind’, so many of us don’t.  Have you ever felt that you should be achieving certain things but for some reason you just never seem to get there?  It could be losing weight, you do all the right things but never seem to get there, or you are trying to give up smoking but you only succeed for short periods.

What is holding you back?  In many cases it is your mind, you may not understand why or how but it will somehow make it seem right for you to eat that bit of chocolate cake (you’ll walk it off later) or just have that one last cigarette.

If you want to change your life forever, to achieve your goals, then you need to learn and understand how to tune your mind and get it aligned with your goals.  Yeah right, how on earth do you do that? (more…)

It was a lovely Sunday morning at the weekend and I was out walking Dog.  We had just been round the Common and were coming down the track towards the village when she spotted the ducks.  I wasn’t too worried as they normally just fly off way before she gets anywhere near them.  This morning was different.

She ran towards them and most took off to the side of the path and into a paddock but one started flapping off down the track along the road in front of us.  It seemed to be having difficulty flying, it was able to flap along, almost flying, just fast enough to keep ahead of Dog.

Now Dog underwent obedience training in her youth and can do lots of tricks and so on.  The one thing I have never been successful at is getting her to come immediately when she has got into her mind that she needs to chase something.  Therefore my calls down the road for her to stop went unheeded.

Before 7am on a Sunday morning in the village there is not much happening so the chance of a car on the back roads is not great, however the duck followed by Dog were heading for the main road if they kept going so I figured it was time for a jog.  Luckily after about 150 metres down the road Dog finally heeded my call – or had got bored with the duck – and stopped.

What got me was the duck, it stopped, looked around, flapped its wings effortlessly and took off into the air and disappeared over the trees, apparently in good health.

It was certainly a good decoy, got Dog and me some extra exercise.  It also got me thinking about how we act like this in our lives – using decoy like behaviour.  Kids are expert at it, how often have you seen them complain of being sick or being hurt and when they are offered an opportunity that appeals they are suddenly better. 

Do we grow out of this behaviour?  I don’t think so.  We become more skilled at masking it.  How often have you said you don’t have time to do something but when something you absolutely love to do or see comes up you make time to partake.  Or you are feeling sick and are unable (or unwilling) to do certain things but suddenly find yourself doing something equivalent because it is something you love.

This isn’t always a bad thing.  After all doing things we enjoy has a positive  effect on us and makes us feel good.  The problem is when decoy behaviour becomes a habit and is used to avoid things in life that you really need to face and deal with.  Have a little think about your life and your behaviours, what are your decoys?  It can be physical or it can be things like time, whatever it is, be honest with yourself and understand how you are using it to serve your purposes.

I can remember years ago going for an interview for a job.  It seemed to be going OK, we were going through all the basic questions, then at the end they posed a couple of curly ones, you know the type, what are your strengths and weaknesses or why should we appoint you over anyone else?  I obviously didn’t do a great job answering as I didn’t get that job.

What reminded me of this was when I was on a course a couple of weeks back and we were talking about personality profiles and the strengths and weaknesses of each.  What I found was interesting is when a strength can become a weakness or vice versa.  How can this happen? (more…)

I was sitting here with Son discussing what I should write about this week.  He tells me I should write about T.  T is the leader of his peer support group at school.  They have divided the school into groups of four or five students each with a range of age groups.  T is certainly someone who has inspired Son as he comes up frequently in conversation.  Son was devastated a couple of weeks ago when he learnt that T would be leaving at the end of the year to go to High School.

So I asked Son what was so good about T.  He plays soccer with me and we talk while we play was the answer.  I ask if he wants to be like T and he agrees that he would and he will help the younger kids as he gets older.  I try a tougher question, will you need to change yourself to be like T.  Son looks at me, he is getting frustrated, I am asking too many questions and he thinks it is time he was watching TV.  Then he answers ‘You should just be yourself’. (more…)